Help Him
by Artemismoon91904
Summary: After Percy and Annabeth come back from Tartarus, there are some serious issues they have to talk out. Percy is basically alone, his mental health ignored, and Piper sees what will become of him if he is left to deal with things himself. Focused on Percy's mental health and based on the fact that Percy's mental health is never discussed and he doesn't get any help in the series.
1. A Vision

**Greetings. This isn't going to be very long, maybe only two or three chapters, and I wrote it based on a tumblr post that points out that Percy's mental health is never addressed, and when he's about to talk to Jason about it, Jason basically shuts him down and Percy closes up. I'm going to mainly address his after Tartarus feelings but things as far back as Gabe and even before will be brought up.** ** _Mentions of self harm and suicide are in this chapter, and depression and abuse will be later themes. If anything like this triggers you, please turn away now and be safe._** **I wrote this on mobile so there might be some strange mistakes. Thanks for being patient with them. I plan on finishing writing this before going back and correcting it. I don't know how often I'll update, but chapters will be longer than this one for the most part and largely dialogue based. I'll be changing the POV after this intro. Thanks for reading.**

The Argo II was filled with omnipotent tension, fear that resonated from Percy and Annabeth, residual from their recent time in Tartarus. Nobody could blame them for being cold, withdrawn. The others had accepted that the two would never want to talk about their experiences, and would never have to.

But time passed. The ship drifted through sky and sea and eventually Annabeth confided in Piper. Tensions faded, though Percy was left alone. He was a boy. Boys didn't need to talk about their feelings. He would be fine.

Percy convinced himself that their notions were right. He was fine. He would joke and smile to play along to their fantasy, but nights were dark and full of tears. He couldn't eat, and when he did it was too much. He couldn't sleep, but when he did finally succumb to exhaustion it was as restless and terror filled as his plagued conscious mind.

He lost weight. He lost sleep. He was losing his mind. And still... nobody noticed. It was the stress of the quest, certainly, that was getting to the son of Poseidon. Not the demons trapped within his mind and buried in his soul, warping his senses to only feel pain. Not the pressure to be 'fine' to the casual eye when he was destroying himself from the inside out.

Nobody cared. He was convinced. They saw what was happening to him, but they didn't care.

After that decision was reached, he stopped pretending. He lashed out on everyone. Fought weakly, broke down into tears at the smallest things or nothing at all. He was going mad. There were too many things broken in Percy to help. He was a lost cause. The mental distress wasn't enough. He hurt himself, physically, hurt everyone around him in every way and when the burden he thought himself to be became too much, he ended it. Himself.

This is what Piper saw in Katoptris the day after they had closed the doors of death, and she was determined not to let it happen.

Annabeth had been okay. Piper had talked to her, so she would do that. Percy was her real concern. She would call on whoever she could to make sure the fate she had seen didn't befall him.

But now was too late, probably past midnight. She tried not to think of the nightmares Percy and Annabeth must be enduring, if they were even sleeping at all. At any rate, tomorrow would be the day.

She tucked her dagger away and laid down in an attempt to rest that seemed futile, and lasted into the morning with limited success.


	2. First Contact

**I've decided that the chapters in this fic are going to be pretty short for the most part for two reasons: So I can get them published faster, and because I think it flows better to have each chapter show some progress made with Percy and some important events than to just cover everything that happens. If there are any scenes you want to see, leave a review or PM and I'll try to work them in. I'm totally open to suggestions.**

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Percy and Annabeth both seemed incredibly broken. Their spirits, their bodies, and their hearts. After about a week of Piper talking to Annabeth almost every night, she got some spring back in her step, started smiling more. Before he saw that, Jason hadn't believed that talking could actually help someone, even when Piper explicitly _begged_ him to get Percy to confide in him. He looked at Percy, and he was still strong. Nobody would be happy coming out of Tartarus, and it would pass, he had told himself. But after that first week, Annabeth compared to Percy, you'd think their experiences were completely different from one another's.

Jason spent the whole day trying to get Percy alone, figuring he would be less likely to open up if everyone else was there, but he couldn't. The son of Poseidon was busing himself in every way possible, and was always with _someone_. And then came the responsibilities Jason had of his own. He couldn't just stalk Percy all day in hopes to get a word in.

So he waited for the night.

Hazel and Leo were on lookout so the rest of them could get some sleep when Jason crept out of his room and down the hall of the Argo II to Percy's room. Hand frozen, poised for knocking, hovering just above the wooden surface, Jason heard a sob. The armour he had secured around his heart for this encounter crumpled like tin foil and fell into his stomach. He swallowed his pity and knocked thrice. The sobs immediately stopped, as though someone had pressed 'pause' on the action in start.

"Yeah?" Came a surprisingly steady voice from inside the room. The door didn't open.

"Percy, it's Jason. Can I come in?" Jason said quietly enough that he wouldn't wake anyone else who might be sleeping.

"Uh," Percy's voice cracked a little, "Yeah. Yes."

Jason opened the door probably sooner than Percy expected him too, catching the older demigod frantically trying to wipe tears and the the red left in his face away. Eye contact was never established. Jason shut the door out of courtesy, turning back to see Percy's ashamed gaze directed at the floor in front of where he sat cross-legged on the wood. Jason sat in front of him.

"Nobody expects you to be strong all the time. We all cry." Jason had never done this before. He hoped to every god that he would get this right. He prayed that he wouldn't say something wrong.

Percy didn't say anything, just took in a shaky breath and drew his knees up to his chest.

"I know you saw some horrible things down there, and I don't expect you to want to bring those memories up again, but if you want to talk about anything... I need you to know that I'm here, and I won't judge you."

Percy's breathing sped up and Jason feared he had brought up some horrific memory that was now going to plague Percy. Tears welled in his eyes but didn't fall. He lifted his gaze and let it bore into Jason. His green eyes were darker, somehow, in colour and message. He blinked and the message shifted. There were no words spoken, but a connection made. A 'thank you.'

Jason wasn't sure what to do now, but he sure as hell didn't want to leave Percy alone for the night. He slowly, so Percy could stop him if he wanted, moved over next to him and put an arm around the body hosting the shattered soul. Percy tensed under Jason's touch, but didn't push him away. He eventually relaxed into the grasp. Jason didn't move. Percy's breathing slowed. His limbs fell away from where they were tucked into a ball. He fell asleep.

Jason held him up all night.


	3. Gabe

**I have some free time (not really) so why not? Here's another short chapter. Enjoy but be careful and please don't read if you think you'll be triggered. Triggering is not a joke it can be a really bad thing.**

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 ** _TRIGGER WARNINGS:_ Physical/sexual abuse (pedophilia) **

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The boys didn't talk about what happened that night. For almost a week after, Jason would come to Percy's cabin at night and listen to whatever words came through his tears. Jason had never seen one person cry so much in his life. If it hadn't been for the situation, he might've found himself laughing. But there was nothing funny about what Percy felt.

Jason couldn't see how he could possibly be helping. Talking seemed to make it worse, if anything, and Percy only ever got out a few words, no full sentences at a time.

Tonight was different.

Jason knocked as he always did, this time more to see if Percy was there since he didn't hear any crying. Percy opened the door himself instead of calling from his floor that Jason could open it.

"It's not just Tartarus." Percy greeted Jason with a grim but strong look. Jason entered right away.

"What else is it?" He let Percy know that he was ready to listen. Percy sat on his floor like he usually did during these times, but still no tears fell. If he hadn't been the son of Poseidon, Jason would've suspected he was dehydrated to the point of not being able to produce tears. Could Percy get dehydrated? Was he drinking enough? Eating enough? Sleeping at all after Jason left him every night? He hadn't even thought of the severity of those things.

"Before I met you..." Percy started, and Jason knew his other questions would have to wait. "I... my mom was married to this guy, Gabe. He was an asshole. So much of an asshole. He... he couldn't hold a job, smelled like everything disgusting in the world all piled into one nasty, ugly creep. All he did... gods. I never told anyone, I mean, you're the first... It was so long ago... I'm still upset and I don't know why. I guess the first time I found out he was doing it to my mom too was when I was kicked out of school this one time and came home early... I saw him hitting her. He told me not to tell my mom that he hit me or he would hit her too... but I didn't tell. I was young and didn't know what I was getting into. I called him a liar 'cause I hadn't told my mom what he was doing to me. It... was more than just... just one type of physical abuse, if you know what I mean," his voice cracked a little, "But he-when I came in-he threw my mom to the ground and started yelling at me. I don't even remember what. I just remember being stuck to the floor and pleading and I cried. I cried so much but he just came toward me. His walk was the scariest thing I ever saw. He grabbed me and he picked me up and he threw me against the wall like I was a doll or something. I was conscious a little while after I landed and my neck hurt so much. I was only little but I knew enough to think I wouldn't be able to walk again. I mean, I'm fine, now..." he took a shaky breath, "After I passed out I woke up in the hospital. The last thing I remembered was being on the floor and him coming at me again. I guess I passed out from fear or something. Both my arms were broken and I knew that wasn't from the fall. I had to have a neck brace for a long time. My mom said she was fine but I don't... _didn't_ believe her. I didn't ask anymore though 'cause he was there. I had to live with him for another seven years after that. He kept on doing... _things_ to me until I was ten, then I guess I got too old for the creep or something. I know he kept hitting my mom 'cause he didn't stop anything with me. Everything was just... not quite enough to need to go to the hospital. So that one time was the worst time." Percy clenched his shaking hands into fists. "You're the only person I've told about this. Please don't tell anyone else. Please." With the last 'please' he finally broke down.

The tears started and Jason was right there. After hearing that, he wasn't sure Percy would want a hug from him, so he put one arm around the boy's shoulders and tried to figure out what the hell he could say to that.

"I could never understand how that felt, and I know apologies mean nothing, but I am so sorry you and your mom had to go through that." It seemed to be the right thing. That or Percy couldn't hear him through his own thoughts.

He calmed his sobs rather quickly compared to other times, which Jason found strange as this was the most traumatic sounding thing he'd heard from Percy's mouth.

That was it.

This was the first time Percy had managed to convey a story. Maybe talking did help after all.


	4. I Don't Even Want To Die Anymore

**It's not just this one. I've been terrible at updating everything. I way overbooked myself this semester. I have three seventh periods. At the same time. I'm like actually dying. Here's some Percy actually dying instead.**

 **Very important: trigger warnings for depression/suicidal thoughts.**

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Percy seemed pretty fine during the day. At least compared to how he was when Jason saw him at night. Until Jason saw Percy sitting alone, body shaking slightly, staring at nothing but jaw twitching. Jason immediately walked over and sat next to him. The silent cue was enough.

Percy took a careful breath, careful not to let tears spill in front of anyone else. "I was just... Tartarus... I would've let myself die if Annabeth wasn't there. I don't know when I lost it."

"You haven't lost it," Jason assured quietly, at the same volume Percy was speaking.

"No, not _it_. Not crazy. Lost the... will to live. For myself, I mean. I'd be dead if I was alone here, too." He said it so curtly, like it was the undebatable truth, that Jason almost genuinely gasped. He restrained himself.

"Well," Jason gulped, "It's a good thing we're here, then."

"It's not just that. Not just you guys. It's the quest. As soon as the quest is over, if we even make it, why? Why should I even bother? Try? What's in it for me? Right now, sure, I have to help save the world and all, but after that? If anyone else needs saving they got this kickass team of demigods right here. They don't need me."

Jason could hardly believe what he was hearing. He shook his head. "That's the farthest thing from the truth I've ever heard."

"But think about it. In Tartarus, I was so close to giving up, but I knew I had Annabeth with me, and I couldn't just leave her alone down there, and I had to get to the Doors of Death for you guys, so I kept going. But that wasn't for me." Only then did emotion enter his voice; "I don't want to... be alive, I guess. I don't want to be alive... I just want to die."

"Please," Jason was sure he sounded panicked. He didn't care. "Don't die. We all need you. Think about Annabeth. Your future?"

Percy sniffed and waved Jason's worry aside. He shook his head. "No. I'm to empty to... _want."_ The word dripped with disdain. "I don't even want to die anymore."

"Why let yourself die when you've gotten this far already?" Jason stared at Percy, right into his watery green eyes that were looking grayer by the day.

Percy was quiet, null, for a long time. The sea and wind were the only things to be heard, though barely over the heartbeat in Jason's ears as he continued to stare at Percy for an answer. Percy had become a thing-a vessel with no host-lifeless, and Jason stared, trying to pour what life he had left into the shell that stared at nothing, just as Jason had found him, too deep in his own thoughts and memories to exist, until his head jerked up the most minuscule amount.

"I won't."


	5. Deeper Into The Dark

**I have other stuff waiting to be updated and I just updated this literally last night but who cares? More for you guys, I guess.**

 **Rating thing: Swearing, blood**

 **Trigger warnings: explicit self harm, depression, suicidal thoughts**

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Jason was just about to leave to talk to Percy the night of his bad day. He ended up not having to.

Percy burst into Jason's room with blood soaking his left arm. He was holding his wrist with his right hand. It didn't seem to be doing anything for the bleeding.

Jason was too shocked to move for a few seconds. Percy had done this to himself. He knew that immediately. What had he missed today? The other nights? Why? Why now?

Percy spoke first. "I thought... It would help. I let them bleed a lot. I think I'm gonna pass out."

Jason snapped out of it at Percy's first word and shot himself to the drawer where he kept emergency bandages. He didn't think this was what they would be used for.

"You're not gonna pass out. You're okay. Sit." He ushered Percy quickly to the bed and let him plop himself down. He seemed to be moving dizzily to Jason. He grabbed his arm and wrapped it all below his elbow. He couldn't see exactly where the cuts had been made there was so much blood. "Gods, how long did you leave it?"

"It stopped bleeding after a while but I didn't want it to yet... so I just made more. It was... a long..." His eyelids fluttered and his head lulled in circles. Through the blood Jason noticed Percy's fingers had turned purple.

"Shit!" He gasped in alarm. He had to have ambrosia here somewhere. He ran and checked the drawer where he kept the bandages and prayed a small thanks to every god he could think of when he found easily the bag of ambrosia squares. He put it in Percy's mouth and he barely chewed before swallowing.

"I have to pass out before I die, right? I can't... I mean, I just... it won't just kill me. I don't want to die. I just want to feel... better..." His eyes rolled up into his head and his body fell limp. Jason was only able to keep his head from hitting the wall.

Jason mind raced, but none of his thoughts had any substance or use. He found himself moving in terror to wet a piece of fabric that was probably one of his shirts in the bathroom. The next thing he knew he was wiping the blood off of Percy's arm, careful not to disturb the bandage. He needed to make sure the bleeding had stopped, and it looked like it had. The ambrosia was at work. It would be fine. Percy's wrist would be fine, that is. Jason watched as colour slowly returned to his fingers. Percy's mind was what he was worried about. Today had been a bad day, and tonight had been a worse night, but things were supposed to be getting better, not worse.

Maybe, he thought, they had to get worse before they got better.


	6. Intentions

That night Jason didn't sleep. Percy didn't wake up. Jason hoped it was a side effect of the ambrosia and not a long term problem.

He didn't leave Percy alone for fear that he would wake up and hurt himself again. He stayed in his cabin and cleaned the blood off the floor all night until his eyes were sore with exhaustion and burning with tears he held in every time his eyes caught sight of Percy.

The images that would now forever be engrained in his memory replayed relentlessly in his head. He had seen war and injury, but this had been different. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep lest he be plagued by nightmares.

Jason hoped this wasn't what Percy went through constantly. Jason may have been part of the demigod world for longer, but he was sure Percy had seen more terrible things than he had.

Percy woke up as the sun was rising. Jason was sitting on the floor both trying to and trying not to fall asleep at the same time. They boys caught each other's eyes.

Percy swallowed and said in a soft, pained voice, "I'm sorry."

Jason only nodded. Percy looked at his bandage. He took a deep breath and touched the fabric turned dark by dried blood. He didn't wince. He slowly unravelled it. His forearm was messy with the same dark, hardened blood.

Wordlessly still, Jason got up, went to the bathroom, and brought back the same balled up shirt he had originally used wet again. He handed it to Percy.

As the blood was removed, almost-closed wounds and some very noticeable scars were revealed. Percy stopped after the first twenty or so had emerged and clenched his jaw.

"Why'd you do it?" Jason stood over him.

Percy shook his head. "I'm asking myself the same thing."

Then would've been a great time for the convenient timing of the breakfast bell Leo liked to use to get everyone together, but it didn't sound.

"You were worried about dying," Jason prompted.

"I know. I remember."

"Why didn't you just come talk to me?"

"Talking wasn't enough."

"I thought you were doing better."

"Bad day." Percy sniffed and Jason realised that he had started to silently cry. "Sorry." He wiped his eyes.

Jason sat next to Percy, hoping to give him some physical comfort by proximity. "Don't be sorry. Don't put up a front. You have every right to-"

The bell sounded at this least fortunate of times, and Percy stood immediately, the bed shifting to fall towards Jason, and left the room. Jason heard Percy's door down the hall open soon after that, but he stayed sitting, looking at the blood-Percy's blood, self-drawn-under his fingernails. Percy passed out from blood loss. Percy cut himself and lost so much blood from it that he could have actually died. Even if he didn't admit it, Percy was probably suicidal. Probably. Or maybe last night was an attempt and what happens to so many people who try to off themselves happened to him-he realised what he was doing just before it was too late. Luckier than many.

He heard Percy's door again and stood up, opening his own to catch a glimpse of Percy rounding the corner.

By the looks Nico was giving, Jason knew he knew that something was up. He might've sensed Percy's brush with death. Jason hoped for Percy's sake that he hadn't shared. Percy's pride and image were holding him up at least in front of everyone else, and he needed those moments to be able to function in. If there was nothing left to pretend for, there would be nothing left to hold him up.

"Dude," Leo snorted at Percy, "It's like eighty degrees."

Percy shrugged casually. "It's comfy."

"You're wearing long sleeves, too, Leo," Piper pointed out while picking a piece of fruit off of her plate.

"I always wear long sleeves, chica. I'm used to it. And besides, mine isn't a sweatshirt."

Piper made a mocking face at Leo and proceeded to eat a strawberry.

Jason sat protectively next to Percy, stealing Annabeth's spot (and he expecteed to be beaten up for it later). Percy sat silently without a plate in front of him. It seemed the bottomless pit was closed for now.

Piper was still inconspicuously examining Percy. She frowned. "You have dark rings under your eyes. Have you been sleeping okay?"

He sure slept sound last night.

Percy's lips mimicked a smile. "Yeah, okay enough." His voice was noticeably stagnant.

Piper locked eyes with Jason, and he averted his.

Percy sucked in a breath over the relative silence of the unfilled dining room and pushed his chair out from under him by standing, the wood against wood sending the reverberation of a horrible scratching sound through the room. "I think I'm gonna go jump in the ocean and just stay there for a bit. I'll spit myself back up here in a little while." He walked out of the room as he was talking, giving no time for opposition.

As soon as he had gone, Piper and Leo turned straight to him. The atmosphere had gone from tense to intense.

"What happened?" Leo asked in the most terrifyingly serious voice Jason had ever heard from him.

"I don't think it's my place to say..." Jason looked nervously at the doorway leading to the sleeping quarters, waiting for someone to come get him out of this. He didn't want to betray Percy, but he needed to help him.

"If it's something serious, it is your place." Piper backed Leo.

"He almost killed himself last night," Nico said from the shadows where he had been forgotten. "Actually, he did die for a few seconds. And he meant for it to happen."


End file.
